Have you experienced being always there but also the least favorite in a group?
I often experience it. The feeling of being unwanted, unloved, and not the favorite person makes me feel distant and alone. Even though I am always there for them, they seem to don’t care.
Sometimes I think I’m just sensitive and emotional.
But why do I have to feel those specific emotions? Why do I have to be in a group that doesn’t like to be with me?
Either way, it’s just a feeling and thought that kept running through my head for a couple of days, then stopped, then ran again, and the cycle repeated.
I know it’s really hard to communicate online, especially as an empathetic observer. How can I observe in chat? Hard to tell, and the interpretation will depend on how it is read and understood by a reader like me. So, as much as possible, I’m trying to slow down and understand those who thought from different angles.
But reading different books or listening to advice from different experienced people taught me that the opinions of others about me shouldn’t matter. What matters most is my own opinion of myself. Just focus on what I can control and let go of what I can’t.
I should stop caring what other people think. I don’t live for their approval or become someone who always pleases them. My only wish is to be loved, respected, and treated right.
Also, there are times when I’m just overthinking little things. I’m just making it exaggerated, so I have to be careful about what to focus on.
Today is an important day for me. I will never forget this day and cherish it for the rest of my life! My UXR 3rd anniversary!
I started transitioning my career during the pandemic while managing my family business. I researched careers I could pursue while at home and upskilled by enrolling in online courses, joining a community, and participating in design challenges.
My dream is to work in tech. Work from home with my PC/laptop. Managing my time and ensuring that I can still do all my household chores to help my parents. Yes! I’m still living with my parents since they are not getting any younger, and I don’t want to be with them and ensure they are safe and sound.
I’m so happy because it’s so fun and exciting that I was once working in a laboratory where I had to be physically present, wear sterile decontaminated suits, gloves, and a hairnet, and use disinfectant wherever I went.
Before I shift my career
At first, I was okay with it, and I enjoy my job. But shifting isn’t for me. My body clock reacts intensely, and most of the time, I feel weak and have headaches because of poor sleeping habits. But as time went by, I started to think this wasn’t what I wanted. This is not healthy for my health either.
That’s the reason I pursue my dream job. I know it’s risky because I need to start from scratch again, but it’s okay. I know I can do this!
A dream job isn’t always what we want when we are young; it is something we discover along the way as we learn more about ourselves. At first, I wanted to work in a laboratory until retirement. Still, because of the pandemic, I started exploring a lot of things online, and my interest redirected me into something new to me and to my degree.
When I was in high school, I was sure I wanted a career in programming, but now I am so undecided that I let my parents decide for me. I love using different programs on my computer. I even made a blog using Multiply and Blogspot. I explore a lot of stuff. I also tried designing my own blog template, and it’s just fun. Computer is also my favorite subject, and the organization I joined back then. We call our group “Charles Babbage Club.” (I don’t know. It sounds weird now, but back then, it was awesome, hahaha.)
After graduation, I had a hard time deciding which course to take. My family is from Science courses. I wish I had taken Computer Science since it’s still a “Science,” hahaha, but no. It’s like my path is already written. My mom is competitive, and to be honest, I was under a lot of pressure at the time. My parents want us to be doctors; my sister is in a pre-med program at that time (and kudos to my sister, who is now a doctor! I love you, sissy!), so they are expecting me to choose a pre-med program as well.
I am so confused, and I don’t know what to choose. I remember my First choice was BS Biology, followed by BS Information Technology, and lastly BS Computer Science. After the entrance exam, I got admitted to the BS Biology course, and I was like (omg, Biology is my hatest subject aside from Chem lol). Anyway, I had no choice but to pursue, and luckily, I did! It’s hard, tho, but I finished and majored in Microbiology.
From working in the laboratory to working with users
After years have passed, I have finally started pursuing the career I want. I just had a thought: if not now, when? I want to try.
I know we have different timelines, so whether I made it or not, I am still happy because I tried, and that’s okay.
April 11, 2023, is the day I started a UX Researcher role in a tech company. I was so nervous; after a pandemic of no socialization, I felt like, “Am I able to mingle with these people? Am I able to start a conversation and collaborate with them? ”
Well, I adjusted like months, from being the most silent to the most talkative in the office, and I miss that! 🥺
Who would have thought that after so many challenges and unpredictable instances, I would still be able to achieve my dream job? I will never forget this day as it made my dream come true! Thank you, Qairos!
Now, I am on a new journey as a UX Researcher in a FINTECH company. I am still proud of myself for pursuing and risking this journey. I am genuinely honored by all the blessings I have received in 2023 and will continue to be thankful in the succeeding years. Thank you, God, for giving me this opportunity.
Wow, time flies! My family and I just welcomed another year, and now the first quarter is almost over. Three months have passed, while I wonder how I will change my hobbies and system to change my life, but it’s so fast, like a blink — wild, right?
This made me realize how important it is to enjoy every moment. I only know the surface level of life, not every wave that comes with it.
Right now, I’m exactly where I was in my youngest years. Eating junk foods, going to the mall, window shopping, buying stuff I don’t need, eating unhealthy foods, and not paying attention to life is my current everyday flow.
So I realized I need to spend time loving and taking care of myself and my loved ones, doing what makes me happy, and pursuing the hobbies and career I enjoy.
Like starting that business I always dreamed of, but hey, I need MONEY for that. But dear, there’s no such thing as perfect timing. It’s now or never: take action rather than plan. If I keep waiting for the “right moment,” I might miss many opportunities because I don’t feel ready.
Lately, I’ve been wanting to document everything.
(I always say it to myself, but I’m not consistent!) I’ve never been good at keeping planners—I’d always start strong, then leave pages blank. But this time, I want to make it a habit. Little by little, no pressure, enjoy. Even though I have this blog to reflect on, I also want to organize my thoughts and track where life (and God) is leading me.
I don’t want to stress too much about the future. Overthinking drains my energy and steals time I could use to celebrate life and make memories. And honestly? I’m tired of that.
So here’s to living in the moment, taking chances, and making every second count.
What I appreciate the most is seeing how my life has shifted—moving from happiness to struggles, feeling lost, then finding the strength to get back on track and start fresh from exploring new possibilities and manifesting what I want, to finally achieving a significant goal: landing a new job.
Looking back at these moments is genuinely heartwarming. It reminds me how far I’ve come, and I’m so proud of myself for not giving up.
But my story doesn’t end here. Landing this new job is just the beginning of a new chapter filled with fresh challenges and valuable lessons. I believe God wouldn’t place me here if I couldn’t overcome what’s ahead. So, I’m embracing this journey with faith, knowing that every challenge is an opportunity to grow.
Attending job interviews and selling myself to recruiters with very high standards is not easy. The demand is low, but the supply is so high that in one job post, there are hundreds of applicants, which really affects me because I have little chance of landing a job. Most applicants are experienced and come from prestigious universities. It’s really overwhelming, and maybe I will survive by luck?
I don’t discourage myself, but I have already attended multiple initial interviews, and the only email I received is that they will not be moving forward with my application. The job market is really tough.
I keep applying to the companies I like and to the positions I think I fit, and who would have thought I could really make it? I landed a job in a fintech company!(Girl, FINTECH!) I’ve always wanted to work at a fintech company because I’m really curious about how fast-paced it is and what its processes look like. I came from an agency, then a F&B product company, and now fintech! This is really new to me, and it’s my dream to work at a fintech company. I’m so excited to work here and stay until retirement (because I am loyal as long as the company won’t lay me off)!
I’m so nervous about attending a series of interviews, but I made it! Thank you, God, for guiding me and choosing me for this opportunity! This really calls for a celebration because no more unemployed moments for me.
FIRST DAY!
And now, it was my first day at my new job! I’m so exhausted and haggard from the long trip I took. Leaving the house at 5 AM and arriving at the office building at 8 AM is so tiring. What a long drive! I also wonder if I can really stay long in this new job since it requires at least one office day per week. My usual travel time is around 3-4 hours one way, so technically 8 hours to get to and from the office; it depends on traffic, of course. I have a low tolerance for long drives because I often get too sleepy, dizzy, and uneasy, and I hope I won’t encounter holdups/bad people while I’m sleeping on the bus.
I was excited and nervous as I sipped a hot matcha latte and bit into a toasted bagel I bought from Starbucks at Walmart before entering the building. It was a hot, sunny day, and the wind was hardly refreshing. I am wearing my blue long-sleeved polo shirt and black slacks with my backpack. (Yes! Backpack! Because I travel for hours, I need my stuff in one bag for easy carrying. 😜)
Sometimes my sensitivity to smells affects my mood on a given day, lol, especially when I smell something off or weird while traveling, so a face mask is my go-to in these situations.
When I entered the building, it was an old public mall, dark and smelly. The stores are closed since they usually open at 9 AM, and the escalator is turned off, so my only way is to use the elevator or stairs. The main office of my new job is located on the second floor. It’s like a common workplace that the company is renting. The recruiter told me that the company’s main building is still under construction, so in the meantime, we will work in the space the company rents.
The people here in the office are wearing their uniform. It’s a yellow polo shirt with the company logo. I was asked to sit down in the lobby and wait for the orientation to start. While I was attending orientation, I met a new hire named Chel. She is hired as a Marketing Admin. We both attended the orientation and chatted about our expectations. However, we are from different departments so that we wouldn’t meet often in our daily work.
While I’m attending orientation on my personal laptop, two women are looking at me. Maybe they know me or are involved with me? I’m not sure, so I asked them (just being friendly, haha, because they keep looking at me!). The admin is the other woman, and she is waiting for me but is shy to ask. With her is the designer that I will be working with, since we will be on the same team. I am happy to meet them; they are so friendly, and I feel so comfortable right after talking to them.
After that, the tech support gave me my laptop, set it up to meet all the company requirements, and created a work email and work profile for me, which is very exciting because it’s a MacBook! I am not used to using a Windows laptop, and my current laptop is an old 2017 MacBook Air that needs CPR every time I use it. I am thankful that they gave their employees a work laptop to use.
I met many new people, stepped into a new environment, and experienced a different work culture. It was a significant change, but I looked forward to learning and growing in this new chapter.
I still can’t believe that I have a new job. This is truly a blessing from God. I am nothing without Him, and that’s why I am so grateful. I will do my best to grow, learn, contribute, and enjoy this new journey.
Another challenging part now is mastering the Microsoft Workspace and other tools. But with the power of the internet and YouTube University, everything is now at our fingertips. I will upskill and study to work efficiently and productively in my new company.
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