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I just turned 31. I have not yet married. I still live with my parents. And I am tired of pretending any of that is a problem that needs solving.

Let’s talk about not being married in the thirties.

I was in the living room, working on my laptop, with deadlines looming, eating sunflower seeds on the side, the way you do when you need something to do with your hands mid-task, when my relatives finally arrived for a small gathering.

I heard the knock, pushed my laptop aside, and went to the door to welcome them. My parents scrambled to prepare food the way Filipino parents always do, as if hosting were a reflex they were born with.

We did the whole greeting ritual, such as Beso-beso, or typically cheek-to-cheek, one side then the other. And then, mano po, it was when I reached for my uncle’s hand and pressed it gently to my forehead, the way we were taught to do since we were small. Respect. Warmth. Family.

Yes, I still live with my parents and my youngest brother. I work from home but sometimes visit Manila for in-person meetings or company events. Honestly, being here makes sense, since my parents aren’t getting any younger and showing up for them while I can feels like the most natural thing in the world. I do most of the household chores, like cleaning, laundry, and washing dishes.

I do minimal cooking because I don’t consider myself a good cook. I love making salads, sandwiches, and tacos, and cooking my favorite Kare-Kare. My family enjoys what I cook. They always tell me, “Pwede ka na mag-asawa” in Filipino, meaning you can now get married, just because I know how to cook. I laugh when they bring it up because I think it’s pretty weird, but it’s common to Filipinos.

My older sister has her own place near her work, but she comes back every weekend without fail. We love being near each other. Every ordinary moment feels like something worth keeping.

The food is ready, and we usually do buffet-style, where you get your own plate and food. Some have already started getting their food, someone asked me.

“Kailan ka mag boboyfriend?” (When are you going have a boyfriend?)

“Kailan ka mag papakasal?” (When are you going to get married?)

“31 ka na, dapat mag ka anak ka na.” (You’re already 31, you should have a child by now.)

I freeze, I don’t know how to react, they are still my relatives and technically older than me, I should react with respect. So I just smiled and told them:

It didn’t cross my mind yet, I have a lot of things that I want to try and people to meet, and maybe if God chooses someone to be with me, I will surely meet that man at the right time, but for now, I don’t feel any pressure getting married or being with someone and building a family.

Where did this deadline even come from?

At every family gathering, both sides of my parents, I often encounter this question, and I know it’s not just me but other women who are enjoying their single life in their 30s.

Somewhere along the way, 30s became a deadline for women. Not for men, nobody corners my male cousins at reunions and asks them when they’re settling down. But for women, 30s is treated like an expiration date. Like, if you haven’t locked something in by then, you’ve missed your window.

I want to know who decided that because I don’t remember agreeing to it. 🙈

Being 31, single, and living with your parents is not a failure.

I am a whole, complete person without a husband. My life is not on pause. I am not waiting. I am living, working a career, taking care of the people I love, reading books that make me feel things, and figuring out who I am outside of what everyone else needs me to be.

And here’s the thing about still living at home that nobody wants to say out loud: it’s a choice I’m proud of. My parents are here, even though sometimes I feel differently, I still love them so much. My brother is here and about to graduate from his degree this year. My sister drives back every weekend because we can’t quite stand to be apart for too long. Why would I be in a rush to leave it for the wrong reason?

I’m not against marriage. I’m not bitter about it. If it happens, I want it to be because it’s right, not because I was afraid of what people would say if I showed up to another reunion still single at 32, 33, 34.

Final Thoughts

Maybe I am someone who values freedom. It says a lot in my astrology too, but at some point, I want to enjoy my single moment without pressure.

Life in the Philippines isn’t easy. I need to work for my family and for myself. Getting married is not a one-time big shot, and living with someone isn’t like randomly selecting based on preferences. But it doesn’t mean I closed my doors, I just want to be present and live with the people I cherish.

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