Author: spellzea

things i carried silently.

Published by spellzea

What do you love now, that you hated when you were younger? Today is Tuesday. I just ate my lunch from KFC. I always say I’d rather doomscroll blogs than reels, but a daily prompt caught me off guard today and made me think badly about my past and the things I carried silently. I’ve always wanted to time-travel. Not for anything grand. Just to comfort myself on the nights I cried until I fell asleep, exhausted from feeling so much. The trauma from bullying ran deep. It made me hate myself. February baby I was born in February, and apparently that means topakin or easily annoyed, too emotional. That belief got planted in my head early, and it stayed there. I’m the middle child. Older sister, younger brother. My sister is smart, fair-skinned, beautiful, at least that’s how my parents framed it, over and over, until it became the only frame I had. I’m morena to medium skin tone, noticeably darker than her. I was compared to her constantly. Grades, looks, color. All of …

gut feeling and my story.

Published by spellzea

What’s a time you followed your gut and it turned out to be exactly right? I have terrible luck in relationships. And honestly? I think the universe has a specific algorithm for this, it detects when I’m not ready and immediately sends someone who’s also not ready but doesn’t know it yet. My someone I met this guy in a game. We started chatting there, nothing serious, just normal banter, no feelings, no subtext. At least on my end. But for him? Apparently it was something else entirely. He started with sweet gestures, treating me like I was someone special. And I’m not gonna lie, I felt it. That stupid butterfly-in-the-stomach feeling that I, someone who is neither socially nor romantically active, had completely forgotten existed. It was… comforting, actually. We started sharing stories. Dreams, flaws, the messy in-between stuff. I liked that he was making time for me. I’m not someone who talks a lot, but I notice everything, every action, every shift in energy, every thing that doesn’t quite add up. And slowly, …

’cause if we just smile.

Published by spellzea

What’s a song that always puts you in a good mood? Smile by Johnny Stimson There’s a song I keep coming back to whenever life feels like too much: Smile by Johnny Stimson. As someone who overthinks just about everything, there are moments when the noise inside my head becomes overwhelmin, anxious spirals, unanswered questions, worries about things I can’t control. When that happens, music is usually the first thing I reach for. Not to distract myself, but to actually settle down. Smile does that for me in a way few songs do. The opening verse hits so close to home: When my heads is full of questionsAnd the sky is full of rainWhen I’m worrying about what I can’t changeI take a look in my reflectionAnd try to make a funny faceAnd for a second all my sorrows melt away It’s such a small, human act, making a funny face at yourself in the mirror. But there’s something quietly profound about it. It doesn’t solve anything. It just reminds you not to take the …

workout girly (again)

Published by spellzea

Why Not Pilates? As much as I want to try Pilates, I really can’t afford it right now. It’s around ₱1,500 per session, and most studios require at least 10 sessions to see results. I’m actually super motivated to lose weight and be healthy, so 10 sessions sounds ideal, but the total cost is just too steep. So, gym it is! Why Do I Have a Hard Time Showing Up? Honestly, this is my biggest struggle. Going to the gym every day is hard enough, but it gets worse when there are a lot of people around. My introverted self really can’t handle crowds, so I’ve been trying to go at 6 AM when it’s quieter. The problem? My mornings aren’t always okay. Sometimes I work overtime and I desperately need more sleep. And staying consistent is genuinely hard, not because I don’t want to, but because my body clock has a mind of its own. Still, I’m trying. And I’m really hoping I won’t regret spending this much on a gym membership. Why I …