I saw a dog-and-bee game and installed it. At first, it was fun playing it, but it became a war game where I needed to build my castle, upgrade heroes and buildings, and research and gather resources every day, turning it from a simple game I thought was fun into a chore. I have to do it every day to upgrade the level of my castle, and to play the Dog and Bee.
If I failed to upgrade all my resources, buildings, tech, and heroes, players from other unions can attack and zero me out by killing all of my soldiers.
I hate how advertisements work where I am fooled into downloading it and get stuck because I started enjoying the game, being competitive, and being friends with my unionmates.
I have met a lot of people from that game. We are from different countries, with different beliefs and cultures. Some are very friendly and talkative every day, and some are just quiet and do their dailies without interacting with anyone. Then there’s me, a mix of being quiet yet still interacting with others. I am an introvert by nature, but can be talkative and friendly online, especially when I feel comfortable with the person I’m talking to.
I enjoyed exchanging stories with them, but I still look for people from my country. Because it is easier to communicate using our own language. I’m not a native English speaker, and sometimes it is still a barrier for me to express what I really feel.
There are many people from my country, and we share many stories. Then the union leader created a Discord server for easier communication, where we can also share pictures, links, emojis, and more.
I want to spill that I caught myself entering a romantic relationship with someone I just met in the game. But maybe I’ll share it in a different post because it’s really traumatizing.
Being involved with someone in the game causes a lot of stress for me, which affects my beliefs about the people around me. From playing and enjoying the game to finding myself getting stressed out, unconsciously doubting every person I talk to, and even doubting myself and my worth.
He is a kiss-and-tell guy. He shares a lot of stuff and tries to correct everything about me. He wants to change me according to what he wants and believes. But if I refused, he would blame me for everything. He wants to controll the hell out of me. He made me believe he cares and loves me but hurt me with words, judgements and worst? With gossips. He gossip me to other people in the game from different servers and made me the villain of the story.
After making me the villain, people are divided. Some believe him, and some asked for my side. I am grateful to those who asked for my side because they knew and believed I’m not like what he’s saying about me.
Part of me wants to defend and fight back so badly, but another part of me wants to let go and let him. Because arguing with someone like him, who doesn’t know how to listen, is exhausting, I just let him be. I just let him do the talk he wants. I am unafraid of people’s judgment anyway. My worth doesn’t depend on them; it may hurt, honestly, but it’s out of my control.
It’s really hard to tell who is on your side or who is just there as a CCTV, recording your opinions and reporting your actions to someone.
I find it really tough, to the point where I question whether I am even in the right group of people, or if they are talking about me behind my back.
But instead of fighting back and defending myself, I just let them. I let them talk about me. I let them think whatever they want to think about me.
There are still people who believe in me. My friends who understand and listen to my side without judging me. My friends who have been there since day one, even though most of them are not from the same country as me, I really do appreciate them.
And to those people who just asked my opinion and stabbed me behind, especially to the guy who hurt me so much, the world is spinning, and you’ll get the Karma that is right for you at the right time.